It’s been almost a year this month since he passed. I can already tell that October is when I’ll miss him most. Not because this happens to be the month he departed to reunite with his wife Editha, but because October is when he would usually come to visit us in SF.

I looked forward to his visits.

I looked forward to spending time hanging out with him, listening to his stories  and his occasional pontification on the state of all things. I remember once we went up two blocks to the local pub to nurse a pint. I happen to have taken a picture of him that day and I treasure it. That took place on one October past,
I can’t remember which one and it doesn’t matter because they all blend into one wonderful memory for me.

It seems the most common refrain you’ll hear about a person when 
they are gone is that he/she was “a good person” and that’s certainly the case
with vrriii. He was undoubtedly a good guy, a good father, a good husband, a
good member of his extended community.

But for me, and an admittedly small and not very representative portion of the population, what’s just as if not more important, more memorable, is that he also had “good politics.”


Most of us are familiar with “a good guy” or “a good person,” – you often hear the phrase “good people” or “buenagente.”  You hear “you’ll like this person he/she is ‘good people.’”

Well, Vrriii was “good people” and he had “good politics.”

He believed in good things, great ideas, he had good values.

He was interested in leaving the world a bit of a better place than when he arrived. He was a voracious reader, was hyperinformed, and valued the idea of knowledge itself. He believed that on the whole we should help people if we have an opportunity to do so – he rejected the notion that this should be an “everyone for themselves” kind of world.

Selflessness, sacrifice, kindness, these are some the traits that he valued and inspired in others.

He did in fact, leave the world a better place than when he got here: his legacy, and his values live on in the lives and actions of his two daughters who carry their father’s spirit every day.

Written By: TF

A couple of blogs ago, I mentioned that Vicky and Pedro were on a third honeymoon last weekend... so, without further ado, let me tell you why.

On the morning of Friday, May 6, 2010-- two days before Mother's Day, one month after Mom and Dad's 36th Anniversary (ok, it was one month + one day after), and a whopping SIX YEARS after they first were engaged-- Pedro Reyes and Vicky Ibatan Rodriguez were legally wed in a cozy, sunlit room on the second floor of San Diego's City Hall.

Pedrito Reyes served as best man, and Ellina, Tenoch, myself and (you know what's coming up!) NALA were their witnesses :) 

Afterwards, our small party enjoyed brunch at The Mission Cafe (home and birthplace of one of Dad's finest inventions, the "Vincent Vega"!); then, we brought everyone's bouquets over to Mom at the Holy Cross Mausoleum.  That night, Vix and Pedro spent their first night of wedded bliss in a special suite at the Andaz Hotel.  Two weeks later, they spent a weekend at the Wynn in Vegas.  Last weekend, they partied with la Familia Reyes at their favorite set of condos in San Felipe. 

And, this November, they've got plans to hold a church ceremony and throw a big fiesta.  All of us are THRILLED that it's finally official; and we're really looking forward to bringing everyone together for a Rodriguez (y Reyes!) event that's for a HAPPY occasion!  We hope it's the first of many that we'll get to share with you this year :)

Yesterday, I promised that we'd start filling you in on what Vicky and I have been up to since we last posted.  But there's just SO MUCH, I don't know where to begin!!!

So, I'm going to take the same strategy I use when I'm trying to tidy up the house:  I'm just going to get the easy stuff out of the way first.

Why do I suddenly have some time to work on the blog?
I'm on summer vacation!  And it's the first summer break I've had as a newly-minted, tenured professor!  March 15, exactly a week before Dad's birthday (which is kind of weird, since I filed for tenure exactly one week before Dad died), my Dean called to let me know that the University had decided that I should be awarded tenure, and that I've earned promotion to Associate Professor!  The news has made this the first summer I feel like I can really enjoy, without the anxiety of moving, or wondering if I'm doing enough work, in years.

And what did Tenoch do on the anniversary of Mom's death?
The four-year anniversary of Mom's death fell on a teaching-day for me-- Monday, April 4.  So, this made it the first year that I haven't been able to go down to San Diego to be with the family, and visit Mom's grave.  I was really sad and worried about it, especially because Tenoch had to be in Sacramento that day, too.  Tenoch knew this, but I didn't realize how much he understood, until... I walked into my office after a meeting, and saw these:  

The most beautiful flowers I've ever received-- sitting on my desk!  Tenoch had them delivered to work!  (From a local florist called fleur*t-- which I thought was SO crazy.  Get it?  Tenoch Flores = t*flores!)  (Oh-- wait.  I want to mention that I got surprise-flowers from Krys, too, after she heard about my promotion.  Those were gorgeous, too!  Mom's favorites: tulips :) )  Fittingly, since Mom loved when stuff like this happened, since Mom's Anniversary, my female colleagues have been swooning over Tenoch's thoughtfulness-- it even inspired (pressured?) another hubby into having flowers delivered to my office-neighbor. 

* Sidenote: I chose the title of today's blog because Mom also loved singing the theme from Love Story :)

Alright.  That's all the easy stuff for today.  More updates to come, so stay tuned.  It gets gets juicier...

Vicky and I were not in San Diego this weekend (Vix was in San Felipe on, like, her and Pedro's third honeymoon [yeah-- um, we'll get to that in a different post]; and I was with Tenoch and Nala picnicking [and sporting our yellow ribbons!!!] in San Francisco's Presidio for Memorial Day).  So, we weren't around to snag our own copies of the front-page article The Filipino Press ran on Dad in its "Memorial Day Edition" :(  Luckily... our godbrother Gene spotted his ninong smiling up at him from a paper on Saturday, and grabbed an extra copy for Vix; and Tenoch's tia, Ceci, grabbed us four or five (thanks, guys!) :)

So, yeah... we realize that we should explain.  The blog's been quiet for the past couple of months, but Vix and I have been busier than ever.  We're determined to bring you all to-speed; so, in the next few days you can expect us to tell you all about:

• Why Dad's on the cover of the paper
• Why Vicky and Pedro are honeymooning
• What Nala's been up to with the veterans
• What we've been up to with our Congressman and the Veterans' Administration's Office of the Inspector General (VAOIG)
  
• What Tenoch did on the anniversary of Mom's death
• One more reason you could say I'm like Obama
  
• Why I suddenly have a bit more time to work on the blog

For those of you who don't know us personally but wanted to learn more about Dad:  Thanks for visiting, and please come back soon because we're also going to be posting a new page on the site to let folks who are interested learn how you can help us stop M from pulling the wool over the eyes of our VA and military dependents' services, while vets and their real families are still fighting for what they need and deserve in return for the true sacrifices they make to keep us safe.  In the meanwhile, there's lots here that you can read, if you just want to find out more details about what we're fighting for.

See everyone again soon-- we promise!

Today would have been Dad's 61st birthday-- the first bday of his second lifetime, according to eastern astrology.  I'm actually so glad that he's starting this new life in heaven with Mom :)

Went to a Mass this morning, dedicated to the repose of Mom and Dad's souls.  And, it's so funny:  the first time the priest announced the Mass's devotion, he said Mom and Dad's names right (even though the church bulletin mis-printed Dad's name as "Vincente," yet again, haha).  But the second time, the priest said that the Mass was for "Athena and Vicente".  Athena, of course is the Greek goddess of wisdom and prudence, and her constant companion was Nike, spirit of victory.  Now, can you guess what "Vicente" means?  If you guessed "Victorious," you get to blow out one of Dad's bday candles!  Together, Athena and Nike led armies to fight for just causes.

Coincidence?  No such thing!  I believe that this was Dad's way of telling us, on his first (re-)birthday:  I am still at your Mom's side, and you can trust that, together, we will lead you to wisdom, justice and victory.  Thanks, Dad, for the inspiring life you lead; and thanks for continuing to teach and intrigue us from the afterlife.  We love you so much.

In celebration of what would have been Mom's 57th birthday, today I went to Mass.  I guess Mom must've been up to her old tricks, because I did something I never do:  I got there early.  As I pondered whether I'd missed Mass entirely (it just never dawned on me that I'd be there before Mass started!), mom lead me the altar for St. Joseph; and there, for the first time in my five years as a parishioner at St. Agnes, I saw this prayer on the wall.  It felt like mom gave me a birthday gift, because I've really been asking our parents: What do you want us to do?  And this makes it clear:  serve God generously,  fight for God bravely and relentlessly, and find fulfillment in knowing that our work is being used to help God's will to unfold.

Of course, this isn't as clear as "do this, do that;" but I read it as reassurance that Vix and I are following the right path.  We are still fighting-- but this fight is no longer about just us or our family.  It's for all those who are vulnerable-- because of grief, or illness, or age, or generosity, like Dad-- from being exploited by unconscionable people.  It's about helping the vets, in particular.  It's about helping the people Dad really hoped his clinic would serve.  And, because it's about something much bigger now, and because I do sense that this is what our parents want for us, and what God's asking us to do, I am prepared to be unyielding.  So, let's just say, I hope no one's planning to stand in our way.

To celebrate mom's birthday (and her gift!) at the end of the day, Vix and I Skyped, and both blew out two cakes together.  My wish for mom?  Well, I can't say, or else it won't come true!  But if today's any indication... I think it already has started to become reality :)  Happy birthday, Mom.  Hope you and Dad are having a wonderful party. 

Dad's VA Memorial was great, and reminded me (again) of how lucky we are to have been part of a greater military family in the US.  Yes-- it demands a lot from its servicemen and women, and their families.  But, it's also taken such care of our family.  Through the Navy, Dad found a path to citizenship, an opportunity to be recognized and grow as a leader, and so many lasting friendships.  The men who Dad trusted most in the Navy are the men we call our uncles today; their wives and children are our 'ohana, too.  They have watched us grow, listened to us cry over the loss of our parents, have stuffed food in our fridges and mouths when we couldn't find the strength to remember to eat-- without us ever having to ask.  Later, the military helped pay for our educations, helped Mom and Dad get into their second home; it saved us from ever having to worry about our parents' healthcare in their older age.  What else?  It subsidized our wedding welcome reception, the food we put on our table (yay, Commissary!), the fuel we put in our cars (yay, NEX diesel!), our family movie nights (yay, North Island!) ... and how we were able to honor Dad's service after his death.  To this day, I cry when I see ships come in for homecoming.  And I know I'll never forget how the other uniformed military at Holy Cross-- people who we'd never met-- stood at salute for Dad's honors, in solidarity and brotherhood. 

I'm so grateful.  If the VA or the Navy ever, ever ask me to help in any way, I will.  In fact, I promise myself that I will find a way to help give back, and honor the US military in case they never get around to asking me :)

Last week when I picked up the mail there was a letter from the Department of Veterans Affairs.  It was an invitation addressed to Mom, from the VA San Diego Healthcare System, to attend a Memorial Service and Reception to honor Dad, and other veterans that passed away during the months of October through January at the VA Hospital.  When I opened up that letter, I thought to myself... "that's right, this letter was addressed specifically to the wife of Vicente... my Mom Edith, and that's what the VA has on record!" 

It's been three months since Dad re-united with Mom, and each day I reflect about all the great and wonderful times I had with him.  When I think of all those memories, I can't help but smile and laugh.  Mom, Evelyn, and I had the best of Dad.  When I think of Mom and Dad's 32 year marriage, I think of what a strong and loving couple they were.  Always looking out for each other.  Such an authentic, real, unconditional love that can't compare to anything.  I remember how every Friday they used to go to the North Island Navy Base and watch all the new movies for only a buck!  Or when they would take Nala to Old Town and watch her run up the hill at Heritage Park; or when they'd walk around Downtown San Diego and visit their favorite Perfumeria - where they both got customized scents...gosh the list can go on and on.  Recently I came across some old letters that Dad wrote to Mom while he was away at sea.  When I read those letters I can see Dad's strong commitment to Mom and our family... always thanking Mom for staying strong, and making sure Evelyn and I are taken care of, telling her how much he missed her and loved her.  Although I'm sad that Dad and Mom are not physically here, I smile and feel a warmth in my heart knowing that they are creating new adventures in the after-life. 

Now that Dia de los Reyes has come, Vicky and I can officially announce that we've survived our first holiday season without both our parents.  Late December brought both of us some much-needed rest, and time to gather with family and friends for happier occasions: my birthday in San Felipe, Christmas Eve with the Reyes family, Christmas Day with the Flores family, New Year's Eve (although we were in different cities, we Skyped, and still rang in 2011 together), and, today, the Feast of the Three Kings.

Most of the holidays were really great-- it was usually only at the end of the day that I'd find myself thinking that the only thing that could have made it all better was... if Dad had been here, too.  But... then I'd remember: everyday is now probably a holiday for Mom and Dad.  And for that, I do rejoice.

Other than those brief moments of weakness, Christmas season brought wonderful memories (especially because of all the new babies who joined the family this year!), delicious food (Pedro's mom's tamales and his dad's pies come immediately to mind), and a real sense of being cared for by our community in San Diego.  We didn't even realize until this week that none of our father's family in the Philippines have called or checked in with us since we returned to the US. 

So. Where does that leave us?  Well.  I can't say I'm totally ready for this New Year.  Nor that my tears have completely dried.  And I still find myself frustrated and angry at times.  But we've made it this far.  So we'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and count ourselves very, very lucky to have good people around us, to help make sure we stay on the right path.

Here's to a year of new beginnings...!

It’s been one month since Dad passed away—and both of us feel like we've aged 20 years.  Since the website’s been launched, Vix and I have returned to work, we have welcomed a new family member (my husband’s new nephew: Ajax Campos-Flores!), we have continued planning our father’s memorial, we have started crossing items off our to-do lists again... and we have been deeply, deeply touched by the friends, both near and far, who have reached out and extended the kindness and love that has helped us find the faith and strength to keep moving, in the face of everything since our father’s death. 

No question: we are tired.  We’ve had a good number of moments (and days), when we’ve been plagued with impatience… doubts… anger… sorrow.  But, amazingly, we haven’t been broken.  Although we haven’t been able to reply to everyone personally, the words our friends have sent, the prayers they have spoken with and for us, and the memories of our father that they have shared, have really—each and every one—helped replenish our souls, and reminded us that, in spite of our present circumstances, we are blessed.  Blessed to be a part of so many “second-families” in San Diego and San Francisco; blessed to have had two magnificent parents, for over thirty years; and blessed (even if it's in a mixed way) to now have a matchless opportunity to show everyone just what kind of women our parents made us, through the strength, endurance, and commitment to justice we are determined to hang onto, no matter what.

So, for Dad’s one-month anniversary, we want to (finally) extend a heartfelt thank-you to everyone who has written us/ called us/ prayed with us.  And we are posting some of the Dad-memories and encouragement we have received-- that have made us smile, cry, laugh, and, most of all, have helped carry us through the past 31 days.  We've begun posting them on this new page, "Dad Stories". 

Thank you, everyone.

And thank you, Dad, for touching so many lives, in so many ways.